New Zealanders Are Evil
This morning I paid for my morning caffeine fix at Elsternwick Station with a fistfull of small change, and amongst it I spotted a New Zealand 10 cent coin.
We've all done it- they look the same, they're (mostly) the same size, shape and weight, they have the same denominations, even the vending machines accept them, so why not just pass it on? I get my coffee, the coffee guy gets paid, some poor sap at the Royal Mint of New Zealand gets to keep his job for another day. Win-win, right? Sure, the Kiwi who brought the coin over in the first place increases the purchasing power of that coin by 7% just for not emptying his pockets at the border, but what's a cent or two between friends? Did the Anzacs squabble over whether the Aussies should get 7% more bully beef than their Trans-Tasman comrades? No, they did not.
But then I got to thinking. That coin hasn't actually been exchanged for anything (i.e. no currency has left Australia), it's just been imported and put directly into circulation. Now, I reckon I notice an NZ coin maybe, I dunno, five times a year? Usually 10 cent coins. Five ten cent coins isn't much, but I reckon for every NZ coin I notice, I probably handle five times that number (and that's a conservative estimate- I'm so appallingly absent minded I could probably pay you in cowry shells and not notice).
So that's NZ$2.50 a year. Assume, though, that everyone in Australia is passing on that amount of NZ currency. That's fifty million dollars that's been added to Australia's money supply...
Let me be perfectly clear: New Zealand is engaged in a deliberate campaign to cause massive hyper-inflation in the Australian economy by increasing the currency supply. That's why they've got the same coins as us- to flood our economy with their cheap shrapnel and thus debase the Aussie Dollar!
Why, New Zealand, why? We took Russell Crowe off your hands for you- haven't we suffered enough?
This perfidy must stop! The New Zealanders must be halted in their diabolical scheme to drag our noble and proud Pacific Peso down to the level of their squalid and garish Pacific Rouble! Or else we'll have kids building forts in the streets out of stacks of fifty dollar notes Weimar Germany-style, and infernal kiwis shopping wantonly in our malls! Is that the future you want for your children? Is it? IS IT?
So next time you come across the hated coinage of the dark realm of Tasmansylvania, you know what to do. Cross yourself three times, sprinkle the coin with holy water and bury it in unconsecrated ground with a mandrake root and the leg of a toad. It's our only hope, people...
We've all done it- they look the same, they're (mostly) the same size, shape and weight, they have the same denominations, even the vending machines accept them, so why not just pass it on? I get my coffee, the coffee guy gets paid, some poor sap at the Royal Mint of New Zealand gets to keep his job for another day. Win-win, right? Sure, the Kiwi who brought the coin over in the first place increases the purchasing power of that coin by 7% just for not emptying his pockets at the border, but what's a cent or two between friends? Did the Anzacs squabble over whether the Aussies should get 7% more bully beef than their Trans-Tasman comrades? No, they did not.
But then I got to thinking. That coin hasn't actually been exchanged for anything (i.e. no currency has left Australia), it's just been imported and put directly into circulation. Now, I reckon I notice an NZ coin maybe, I dunno, five times a year? Usually 10 cent coins. Five ten cent coins isn't much, but I reckon for every NZ coin I notice, I probably handle five times that number (and that's a conservative estimate- I'm so appallingly absent minded I could probably pay you in cowry shells and not notice).
So that's NZ$2.50 a year. Assume, though, that everyone in Australia is passing on that amount of NZ currency. That's fifty million dollars that's been added to Australia's money supply...
Let me be perfectly clear: New Zealand is engaged in a deliberate campaign to cause massive hyper-inflation in the Australian economy by increasing the currency supply. That's why they've got the same coins as us- to flood our economy with their cheap shrapnel and thus debase the Aussie Dollar!
Why, New Zealand, why? We took Russell Crowe off your hands for you- haven't we suffered enough?
This perfidy must stop! The New Zealanders must be halted in their diabolical scheme to drag our noble and proud Pacific Peso down to the level of their squalid and garish Pacific Rouble! Or else we'll have kids building forts in the streets out of stacks of fifty dollar notes Weimar Germany-style, and infernal kiwis shopping wantonly in our malls! Is that the future you want for your children? Is it? IS IT?
So next time you come across the hated coinage of the dark realm of Tasmansylvania, you know what to do. Cross yourself three times, sprinkle the coin with holy water and bury it in unconsecrated ground with a mandrake root and the leg of a toad. It's our only hope, people...
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